The Top Five Reasons Children Are Acting Out
When a child is uncontrollably crying, you think to yourself, “Is there something wrong with her? Is she embarrassed for me? Was she misbehaving before?”
The sadness, confusion, and absolute heartbreak you feel when you have the realization that your child is acting in an unruly manner that you, as their parent, have not once before witnessed goes along with the feeling of abandonment that you are now experiencing.
Parents (and we’re pretty much the only ones that are in the position to respond to these issues) are not supposed to feel these emotions, but it’s a reality that we are all faced with on a regular basis.
Why are so many children so angry with their parents?
These feelings, brought about by similar experiences, are called child temper tantrums, and they go hand in hand with the feeling of boredom, anxiety, and boredom caused by endless TV and video games, combined with experiences of anxiety, grief, or guilt. All these factors create frustration that over time leads to your child’s anger at you.
No matter how much we may wish it was not the case, there is always a terrible feeling of helplessness and frustration, and you want to do something to change this. So why is it that this is so hard to stop?
We parents try to ignore the feelings, or try to manage them using very specific methods, such as only reading bedtime stories and showing positive reinforcement, taking baths, and playing games with them – however, these are all direct physical responses that force our children to engage with us.
But your child just wants to fight!
No matter how hard you try, not all children seem to want to negotiate with you. There are a few reasons why this is the case, but the main one is all about your relationship with them.
Your child grows up with a culture that encourages obedience. The world has built up such a powerful bias toward obedience that they don’t even realize it is wrong. You are trying to lead them in the right direction, but your child is following others’ guidelines. They think rules and authority mean everyone has to do as they are told.
Your child has been indoctrinated with the perception that they cannot do anything on their own, and they are taught that sometimes you, the parents, are the ones who have to take action. When you take action, they resent it. The child believes that, “I could do it by myself, and if I did, I would do a good job and get no praise for it.” In these situations, parents must try to adapt to what the child is already thinking and doing, and perhaps even teach the children some of their own beliefs about authority.
Children want to be loved. They want to be part of a group, and a group is formed around your being the leader. When you show the love and admiration that a child has been craving since they were born, then they respond with wanting more love and more attention. It is one of the hardest things to learn, but it is necessary if you want your child to be happy and happy for the rest of their lives. If your children want to act out, you have to know it is not always the fault of their parents, and are be able to break through this insecurity through love.
So what’s the solution?
Although it may sound cruel, it’s often the actions that the children have taken that cause them to act out. As long as you continue doing the same things that lead to the overreaction, the tantrums will continue. The ideal reaction should be a willingness to not do what they are doing, but as long as you don’t develop a strong relationship with your child by allowing them to be individuals, and learn to assert themselves, you can expect to continue seeing them acting out for the rest of their lives.
So here is the ultimate advice. Your child wants to be part of a group, and you may want to create a supportive group for your child, but you first have to become a respected individual in their lives so they feel they can stop acting out. The ultimate solution is to create a positive, supportive, and loving parenting group around you, where your children can learn to make decisions on their own.