How to Talk To Your Child If They Refuse to Go to School
As a parent, most of us are constantly aware of the ups and downs that affect our kids. Sometimes the highs are too high and the lows are too low, and we tend to get tangled up in our own feelings of annoyance. If you find yourself facing a student who won’t go to school because they are being punished for poor behavior, feel better. You’re not the only one.
Of course, you’re not the only one who needs to fight your little one’s tears, stand by your side, or explain the consequences for no school.
Educational psychologist Diane Kunkel has commented in a journal that there are two major ways to handle youngsters who refuse to go to school: shutting them down and shaming them.
While you can undoubtedly communicate that your child is being punished for their actions, silence can be equally as damaging.
We know that children are wired to be bored by the usual classroom routine. Since little ones want to remain active, there’s no need to simply drag the wee ones back to their studies. Try instead to find a better solution for what children want.
If your child refuses to go back to school, exercise common sense.
Giving serious, negative, or excessive punishment only causes more stress and more conflict. You want your child to get better, and you don’t want to lose face as you’re attempting to find your common ground.
You may want to try to calm down your toddler’s tantrum and console him, say something like, “We are here to make you feel better and help you feel comfortable, so, we are going to play for a little while.”
When faced with a student who is complaining about problems at school, sometimes all that’s needed is empathy from the teacher.
Kunkel’s even done research and found that when children go to a teacher who communicates with them, not only do their attendance rates go up, but their standardized test scores do, too.
“The way that adults talk to kids about learning is very different from the way that kids talk to their teachers,” explains Kunkel. “The kids look for cues. The kids look for understanding, acceptance, and support.”
Relate to your child’s feelings
Even when the situation is upsetting, remember that they’re still kids. It takes your child to act in a certain way. Once you understand what they’re dealing with, you can change their behavior.
If your child hates getting trapped in the day’s plans, they’ll eventually learn to find a solution. If they’re angry because a teacher is looking for a specific answer, they may find another method. Just remember that your child is in a state of panic, and you don’t need to tell them how to handle it.
Talk with your child
Your child needs to feel listened to, understood, and understood by their parents. This doesn’t mean you’re writing down a list of questions every time a problem arises. It means talking to your child, explaining to them that you understand what they’re feeling and expressing how frustrated you are with the situation.
It takes about 10 to 20 minutes to hear a child talk, even when your child is tired. This is the perfect opportunity to address the issue.
“Children are curious about what adults are doing,” says Kunkel. “Maybe you’re a student yourself, and you can relate with them and talk to them about what you’re thinking, what the process is like, what’s been going on. Children need to know that their parents care.”
Let them know that you want the best for them
Although many people assume that kids want to go to school and most will be happy to get in and get out in the morning, others aren’t quite as cooperative. You need to let them know that you want them to go to school, but they’re also free to find other ways to deal with the situation.
Some students will go the candy route, while others will find an alternative activity or even change their schedules.
Whatever your child wants to do, chances are you’ll be happy to see them. Often, the efforts of one child can be enough to get others to be active and engaged in their school day.
A clear communication line to parents is needed to help your child feel safe enough to come to school each day. Parents who are open to changing their children’s schedules, and those who are willing to answer questions honestly are much better equipped to handle this age-appropriate problem.