How to Successfully End the Overnight Child’s Bedtime Regime
As their kids get older, many parents are trying to get them to do their work. While not always a bad idea, it can backfire in some situations. If your child is struggling, try these proven tips to combat homework battles.
Are You Feeding Your Child That No Boy Can Eat Lunch Alone?
That’s a childhood rite of passage that’s actually a positive, now-vanished experience. When I was a kid, my siblings and I lounged on the floor eating lunch together and doing whatever other activities we found to occupy our time.
However, as children enter the school routine, playing together can be a chore. However, a guilt-ridden parent may drive them to their bedroom to be alone for five minutes. In doing so, they can miss out on some important bonding and socialization time with their kids.
Instead, try saying something like, “When you are done, we’ll talk about lunch and I’ll pack you lunch.” That’s it. You and your child can talk about how you’d like to eat lunch and head to the bus stop together. It shows your child that you value him.
Having an older sibling or sister who’s also trying to do their schoolwork with you can help clarify expectations. A very active, positive, and loving parent will set high expectations, and your children will know where they stand.
Are You Leading Your Child in Declining in Age and Social Pecking Order?
One reason your child is not more active in school is because your own social interactions are out of sync with what your child is doing. One rule when it comes to having your child play alone is that it’s not your job to embarrass him.
That said, let your child make decisions about who he is with, and stick to doing it with him. Allow your child to entertain himself, and see how he copes with the loneliness, time apart, or rejection.
Where You Stand Will Confirm your Child’s Position
If you end up feeling more isolated, your child may not feel that you’re a good role model. Confront the issue of unwelcoming alone time and your child will validate your position.
It’s perfectly acceptable to help them in an authoritative way if you do it with compassion, guidance, and an overall love for your child. As the parent, it’s not your job to let your child have the attention or touch. You can and should engage with them, make suggestions, and cheer them on.
Know When It’s Time to Rethink Boundaries
I’ve heard from many parents who live in single-parent homes. These parents are attempting to do their children’s homework but feel that they are falling into a toxic role model.
If your child has homework, they are eager to get it done and are needlessly crying at the dinner table or in their room, frustrated and bored. They may bring home homework assignments and ask for help, but they often feel like the task has taken on a new role instead of being just the assignment they got in the first place.
If you feel that this is a major problem for your child and you want to get rid of it, think about the role your child is seeing, to see if it’s indicative of who you really are. It may be time to take a step back and do your homework for them in a way that’s meaningful to them and good for them.
Uma Kankreja is a licensed marriage and family therapist in New York City, she provides marriage, family, and child therapy services for all families, primarily in the Tri-State area. To schedule an appointment, or for more information, visit www.lomadvocates.com